Last week, my 4yo daughter and I had a discussion about how we can get her needs met without having to go through a universally-hated tantrum first, and I've been so proud of us: she agreed (and has been following through!) to specifically ask for parental attention before she makes a request for some assistance/thing so we have a chance…
Last week, my 4yo daughter and I had a discussion about how we can get her needs met without having to go through a universally-hated tantrum first, and I've been so proud of us: she agreed (and has been following through!) to specifically ask for parental attention before she makes a request for some assistance/thing so we have a chance to refocus attention to her, and/or let her know what we need to wrap up before giving her attention/when she could expect it. The past week has been virtually tantrum-free as she has discovered asking for attention works with more peace and effectiveness than her previous strategies...but now I'm wondering why I had to teach her to ask for attention, and that this was such a novel thing for us to implement when she has an 8 year old brother. Or maybe her needing this to be taught meant she's assuming she has all our attention all the time (a very 4 year old assumption, right?) and there's some power in knowing how to ask for it. (I'm going to go overthink this for a while now)
First off, CONGRATULATIONS on such a productive conversation about tantrums with a four year old, holy cow! I also love your overthinking-- I feel for myself that when I go down these rabbit holes (the "wait, where does the societal caste structure end and where does "this is just my kid, being [insert age] begin" I rarely have a clean answer, but I feel like my brain hurts in a good way).
But mostly, you're a four year old magician holy cow.
It is always amazing when you find the hook that resonates! And the positive reinforcement happening right now every time I hear: "Mom. I need your attention!" We are laying it on THICK!
Oh jeez do I ever enjoy a good thickly lacquered chunk of parental positive encouragement. "Kjersti, guess who SLEPT IN THEIR BED THE WHOLE NIGHT LAST NIGHT!!!"
Last week, my 4yo daughter and I had a discussion about how we can get her needs met without having to go through a universally-hated tantrum first, and I've been so proud of us: she agreed (and has been following through!) to specifically ask for parental attention before she makes a request for some assistance/thing so we have a chance to refocus attention to her, and/or let her know what we need to wrap up before giving her attention/when she could expect it. The past week has been virtually tantrum-free as she has discovered asking for attention works with more peace and effectiveness than her previous strategies...but now I'm wondering why I had to teach her to ask for attention, and that this was such a novel thing for us to implement when she has an 8 year old brother. Or maybe her needing this to be taught meant she's assuming she has all our attention all the time (a very 4 year old assumption, right?) and there's some power in knowing how to ask for it. (I'm going to go overthink this for a while now)
First off, CONGRATULATIONS on such a productive conversation about tantrums with a four year old, holy cow! I also love your overthinking-- I feel for myself that when I go down these rabbit holes (the "wait, where does the societal caste structure end and where does "this is just my kid, being [insert age] begin" I rarely have a clean answer, but I feel like my brain hurts in a good way).
But mostly, you're a four year old magician holy cow.
It is always amazing when you find the hook that resonates! And the positive reinforcement happening right now every time I hear: "Mom. I need your attention!" We are laying it on THICK!
Oh jeez do I ever enjoy a good thickly lacquered chunk of parental positive encouragement. "Kjersti, guess who SLEPT IN THEIR BED THE WHOLE NIGHT LAST NIGHT!!!"