Garrett, the focus on trust is SO important. I wrote some about social trust in my book on walking, and the more years go by since that was published, the more I think about that subject.
I’ve asked so many people what they think about trust, how they define it, especially at a community level, and the answers are as you would expect—huge…
Garrett, the focus on trust is SO important. I wrote some about social trust in my book on walking, and the more years go by since that was published, the more I think about that subject.
I’ve asked so many people what they think about trust, how they define it, especially at a community level, and the answers are as you would expect—hugely varied but always, always starting with building a relationship. Unfortunately, those who excel at propaganda know this. Less unfortunately, it’s something that is accessible to those working for a better world, too. It just takes a lot longer and a lot more work, and an understanding that everyone carries fears and traumas and everyday worries that aren’t always evident on the surface. And understanding that trust very easily broken.
So, I can tell this is something both of us have thought a lot about, so I'd love to ask a question that you totally don't have to answer (bc it might take a little more time to do so). What are some your theories on why focusing on the long work of trust and relationship building is often hard for those of us who really do want to build a better world?
That is an excellent question and, yes, difficult to answer. My first thought is to ask if it has *always* been easier to shortcut trust by focusing on blame/enemies/easy answers. Which makes me think of your book, which, coincidentally, I was just thinking of while doing yoga at home!
But that’s not what you’re asking. I will have to think about this. The response that comes to mind right now is my own theory (shared with many people whose thinking has clarified mine, like Riane Eisler) that society and politics have less to do with left vs. right and a lot more to do with how strong one’s urge is to control what others think, feel, and do. It is a lot easier to give into that urge, to say people *should* think or feel or act a certain way, than to constantly accept that a better world requires doing none of those things. And that’s more subtle than it sounds, as your book and others demonstrate.
Every single one of us is prone to “power over” thinking. I certainly am. It’s something I battle in myself all the time. I think it’s why so many societies over the millennia created cultures that unraveled power and reinforced solidarity, community-mindedness, etc. (thank you to Graeber and Wengrow of “The Dawn of Everything” for clarifying that)—they built systems to undermine “power over” tendencies. I don’t think it was ever unintentional, or if it was, rarely so. The point being that if relationality is the norm long enough, it becomes the easier thing.
True freedom, however aspirational, asks far more of us, more acceptance in particular, than is easy for the human mind to adapt to. I think it’s easy for the human spirit and soul, but whenever the mind starts to detach from those, acceptance, along with a lot of other things, becomes difficult to access.
The hard, long work of trust and relationship-building asks us to always meet people where they are, and a) that needs a level of empathy and imagination that are in short supply and rarely rewarded these days; and b) I think there’s an assumption that *everyone* has to meet *everyone else* where they are in order to make this work. We are all nodes, all connectors, all doing different and related and hopefully mutually supportive work. Some people have more capacity, in whatever form (emotional, financial, physical, social), and some people carry and deal with far more harms than others. We don’t all have to do everything, and in fact shouldn’t. We just burn out or traumatize ourselves.
Just need to say that this reflection was such a gift and I've been sitting with it for 24 hours now. The way of being in relationship to other people that you're describing here is really beautiful but so scary (it requires vulnerability and risk).
Which requires an understanding of solidarity and working in tandem and connectively because everyone has different risks within different interactions.
Garrett, the focus on trust is SO important. I wrote some about social trust in my book on walking, and the more years go by since that was published, the more I think about that subject.
I’ve asked so many people what they think about trust, how they define it, especially at a community level, and the answers are as you would expect—hugely varied but always, always starting with building a relationship. Unfortunately, those who excel at propaganda know this. Less unfortunately, it’s something that is accessible to those working for a better world, too. It just takes a lot longer and a lot more work, and an understanding that everyone carries fears and traumas and everyday worries that aren’t always evident on the surface. And understanding that trust very easily broken.
So, I can tell this is something both of us have thought a lot about, so I'd love to ask a question that you totally don't have to answer (bc it might take a little more time to do so). What are some your theories on why focusing on the long work of trust and relationship building is often hard for those of us who really do want to build a better world?
That is an excellent question and, yes, difficult to answer. My first thought is to ask if it has *always* been easier to shortcut trust by focusing on blame/enemies/easy answers. Which makes me think of your book, which, coincidentally, I was just thinking of while doing yoga at home!
But that’s not what you’re asking. I will have to think about this. The response that comes to mind right now is my own theory (shared with many people whose thinking has clarified mine, like Riane Eisler) that society and politics have less to do with left vs. right and a lot more to do with how strong one’s urge is to control what others think, feel, and do. It is a lot easier to give into that urge, to say people *should* think or feel or act a certain way, than to constantly accept that a better world requires doing none of those things. And that’s more subtle than it sounds, as your book and others demonstrate.
Every single one of us is prone to “power over” thinking. I certainly am. It’s something I battle in myself all the time. I think it’s why so many societies over the millennia created cultures that unraveled power and reinforced solidarity, community-mindedness, etc. (thank you to Graeber and Wengrow of “The Dawn of Everything” for clarifying that)—they built systems to undermine “power over” tendencies. I don’t think it was ever unintentional, or if it was, rarely so. The point being that if relationality is the norm long enough, it becomes the easier thing.
True freedom, however aspirational, asks far more of us, more acceptance in particular, than is easy for the human mind to adapt to. I think it’s easy for the human spirit and soul, but whenever the mind starts to detach from those, acceptance, along with a lot of other things, becomes difficult to access.
The hard, long work of trust and relationship-building asks us to always meet people where they are, and a) that needs a level of empathy and imagination that are in short supply and rarely rewarded these days; and b) I think there’s an assumption that *everyone* has to meet *everyone else* where they are in order to make this work. We are all nodes, all connectors, all doing different and related and hopefully mutually supportive work. Some people have more capacity, in whatever form (emotional, financial, physical, social), and some people carry and deal with far more harms than others. We don’t all have to do everything, and in fact shouldn’t. We just burn out or traumatize ourselves.
TL;DR: Telling people what to do is easy. Understanding them and where they’re coming from is hard.
Just need to say that this reflection was such a gift and I've been sitting with it for 24 hours now. The way of being in relationship to other people that you're describing here is really beautiful but so scary (it requires vulnerability and risk).
YES.
Which requires an understanding of solidarity and working in tandem and connectively because everyone has different risks within different interactions.