Guys don't need to be infantilized or sold a bill of goods, but maybe it wouldn't hurt for us to write a few letters, host a few baby showers and organize a few meal trains
I subscribed (paid) to The Auntie Bulletin. Per your call out. I'm working with my two kids, DIL, and her mom (and grandbaby on the way) to build a family compound where we can take care of each other; I am sure I'll learn from Lisa; thanks for letting us know. In your favorite place, Austin Texas--we chose not to leave this hot mess, and be part of the resistance.
I’m tearing up a little here, Garrett. Thank you so much for amplifying my request for support. It means a ton. I suspect we do have a bunch of overlapping paid subscribers, and I hope they will hit you up for your lovely offer!
Garrett - 99% of what you said above was GREAT! Children - and younger people - when one is not young - are Very Helpful! The 1% - you minimized - is really Deeply Connecting with Other Men - particularly the More - Het/Cis - one is! WMRJ.org - White Men for Racial Justice - a "male" political space, We men, particularly we white men, we're 20% (white) 80% female gender/non-binary - when not deeply embodied/heart based - (Resmaa Menakem and others for example) - there we are 3-5% - and our 20% spaces - probably 30-50% or more are Gay/Queer Men - Also - connecting Informally - Fathers of young children finding other Fathers to connect with - and going beyond - the superficial where possible- moving beyond the sports/ women/ politics - "Discussions" - to talking about our Loneliness, our Fears and more! Depression was my "2nd Name" from age 18 to age 67 - Human Connection - Real Friends - now my first (male) Best Friend of my life at age 74 - great! Tim is Gay - Incredible Ally - both very similar and very different! Our Male- Male ties - when meaningful - will HELP - our ties to our (female) partners, when we're het - we don't need to lean on our partners - many of our partners - have "besties" - who are female - they're not as lonely as we are!
The early-aughts-ness of it all really worked for this one! (Did my not-yet-husband have a bumper sticker that read “my other car is a Pynchon novel?” Do you even have to ask?)
As more and more "besties" die and/or move away to be closer to family in our senior years, while others move into high-cost complexes of community with program and physical activity perks, I try to remember that the days when families lived within a walkable mile of each other had their own issues, especially for the middle generation. I do believe that cis guys struggle with the issue throughout their lifetimes, while cis gals with kids are often too busy to acknowledge the loneliness. It seems pervasive, despite all the caring, outreach and nurturing with which we fill our days (and nights.) Certainly we're living in times that emphasize the loneliness and isolation, but I'm not sure it was ever really vastly different; gender groups just fake it in different ways.
That strikes me as a sad but likely really accurate reflection— I don’t think we (America, and White America especially) has truly ever mastered community. Some times that really bums me out, and other days it’s a source of grace— no wonder we’re still figuring it out; in some ways we’re doing so from scratch
I.thought YOU were on vacation. Do we need to start working on workaholic next? Appreciate your voice in my inbox, but pretty sure you NEED this break. Take pix and go play; we'll be waiting when you get back...promise.
Love all of this and found these words did a particularly spectacular job of articulating something I am feeling very deeply right now: To speak of patriarchy isn’t to villainize men, but merely to appropriately reflect reality. If you buy into all of society’s stories about man as protector, man as leader, man as defender of honor, man of perpetrator of righteous violence, man as settler of scores, man as recipient of womens’ unlimited attention and labor, man who doesn’t have to engage in care work because he supposedly has “more important things to do,” it won’t take long before you’ve run out of rope and all your left with is man alone, fully severed from everything that makes us human.
I subscribed (paid) to The Auntie Bulletin. Per your call out. I'm working with my two kids, DIL, and her mom (and grandbaby on the way) to build a family compound where we can take care of each other; I am sure I'll learn from Lisa; thanks for letting us know. In your favorite place, Austin Texas--we chose not to leave this hot mess, and be part of the resistance.
So glad you’re staying and fighting (and would love to send you a t shirt or tote for your troubles!) Thanks for subscribing to Lisa!
I’m tearing up a little here, Garrett. Thank you so much for amplifying my request for support. It means a ton. I suspect we do have a bunch of overlapping paid subscribers, and I hope they will hit you up for your lovely offer!
It was an absolute joy to spread the word, Lisa!
Garrett - 99% of what you said above was GREAT! Children - and younger people - when one is not young - are Very Helpful! The 1% - you minimized - is really Deeply Connecting with Other Men - particularly the More - Het/Cis - one is! WMRJ.org - White Men for Racial Justice - a "male" political space, We men, particularly we white men, we're 20% (white) 80% female gender/non-binary - when not deeply embodied/heart based - (Resmaa Menakem and others for example) - there we are 3-5% - and our 20% spaces - probably 30-50% or more are Gay/Queer Men - Also - connecting Informally - Fathers of young children finding other Fathers to connect with - and going beyond - the superficial where possible- moving beyond the sports/ women/ politics - "Discussions" - to talking about our Loneliness, our Fears and more! Depression was my "2nd Name" from age 18 to age 67 - Human Connection - Real Friends - now my first (male) Best Friend of my life at age 74 - great! Tim is Gay - Incredible Ally - both very similar and very different! Our Male- Male ties - when meaningful - will HELP - our ties to our (female) partners, when we're het - we don't need to lean on our partners - many of our partners - have "besties" - who are female - they're not as lonely as we are!
Love the WMRJ shout out. Thanks George!
Ok, you got a chuckle out of me with the Mountain Goats, Michael Mann, Pynchon bits.
I am proud and ashamed of how easy it was to reel off that list
The early-aughts-ness of it all really worked for this one! (Did my not-yet-husband have a bumper sticker that read “my other car is a Pynchon novel?” Do you even have to ask?)
Billy Ripken huh! You really are from Merland, hon. How bout dem O's.
O-R-I-O-L-E-S! MAGIC! MAGIC!
(just not so much this year)
Just subscribed to the Auntie Bulletin. Looks great :) Thanks!
As more and more "besties" die and/or move away to be closer to family in our senior years, while others move into high-cost complexes of community with program and physical activity perks, I try to remember that the days when families lived within a walkable mile of each other had their own issues, especially for the middle generation. I do believe that cis guys struggle with the issue throughout their lifetimes, while cis gals with kids are often too busy to acknowledge the loneliness. It seems pervasive, despite all the caring, outreach and nurturing with which we fill our days (and nights.) Certainly we're living in times that emphasize the loneliness and isolation, but I'm not sure it was ever really vastly different; gender groups just fake it in different ways.
That strikes me as a sad but likely really accurate reflection— I don’t think we (America, and White America especially) has truly ever mastered community. Some times that really bums me out, and other days it’s a source of grace— no wonder we’re still figuring it out; in some ways we’re doing so from scratch
I.thought YOU were on vacation. Do we need to start working on workaholic next? Appreciate your voice in my inbox, but pretty sure you NEED this break. Take pix and go play; we'll be waiting when you get back...promise.
Love all of this and found these words did a particularly spectacular job of articulating something I am feeling very deeply right now: To speak of patriarchy isn’t to villainize men, but merely to appropriately reflect reality. If you buy into all of society’s stories about man as protector, man as leader, man as defender of honor, man of perpetrator of righteous violence, man as settler of scores, man as recipient of womens’ unlimited attention and labor, man who doesn’t have to engage in care work because he supposedly has “more important things to do,” it won’t take long before you’ve run out of rope and all your left with is man alone, fully severed from everything that makes us human.
Thank you Amara and so glad you're feeling it as well.
Thank you for not leaving us wondering about what your cassette-era Mountain Goats takes were; I feel less lonely already.
The Frndshp app from the tech bros made me laugh!