The White Pages Guide To The Super Bowl

Your one stop shop for everything that matters as Kansas City and Philadelphia square off this Sunday

Note: This piece was originally published in advance of the Super Bowl in 2024 but, after crunching the numbers, I realized that much of its cutting edge gridiron analysis is still relevant. As such, it is being reprinted today, with a few updates.

You hear that, Big Game fans? It’s time for the Big Game! And as the nation’s foremost source of Big Game news, analysis and gossip, you’d better believe that the entire team at The White Pages has been burning the midnight oil to bring you the answers to all your most pressing questions.

What time is the Big Game?

I’m glad you asked! This link has you covered!

What are the most important storylines going into the Big Game?

-If I were Andy Reid coaching Kansas City, this would be top of mind.

-And if I were San Francisco Philadelphia, this is what I’d be thinking about as I got ready to take the field.

Jeez, remember how conservatives often get mad about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce?

Oh my gosh, it’s so silly! And while we’re talking hot gossip, did you see this?

Garrett, as somebody who came of age in the golden era of 2000s music, is vaguely aware of contemporary music, are you excited for Usher’s Kendrick’s halftime show?

Sure! I hope he plays one of my favorite songs!

I bet the brands are planning some super zany ads, right?

I can only imagine!

Garrett, any hints for sports gamblers? What’s a good bet?

Put your money down on this official White Pages Lock Of The Week.

How about suggestions for those of us who are hosting blowout Super Bowl parties?

Delight your guests with this timeless favorite! It’s sooooo easy and a real crowd-pleaser.

Any suggestions for further reading?

There's no good reason why Kansas City's football team still has that name