My weekly invoice as a paid protestor

Attn: George Soros' Department of Activist Mercenaries Who Definitely Exist And Are Not Merely A Fox News Fever Dream (Accounts Payable)

• Pronouns: $2,000,000

• Megaphones (extra feedbacky): $50,000

• R&D on new chants (George, I know that we’ve burned a lot of money here, but I promise that we’re close… we’re thinking maybe, “this is what democracy BOOKS like” and all hold up our favorite book? or how about instead of saying “Whose streets? Our streets” we say “whose streets?…” and then do five minutes of googling and then a land acknowledgment. Like I say, WE’RE SO CLOSE): $100,000

• Granola bars (not the Quaker chewy ones that actually taste good, the more expensive ones that brag about their ingredients and taste like date-flavored tires): $10,000.

• College scholarship (Oberlin or Sarah Lawrence): [One each for every kid in a stroller holding a sign that purports to be “by them” but was clearly written by their parents (come on, Cedar, admit it, you didn’t come up with “I want to grow up in a world governed by Keynesian economic policy where there is a robust social safety net instead of a reliance on women’s labor, as is the case under white supremacist patriarchy!”)]: $500,000 per child.

• Acoustic guitars: $10,000,000 (not sure that will be enough).

• Catering for the meeting where we finalize our statement about Gaza: TBD (meeting started in late 2023, still ongoing).

• Cotopaxi jackets (must be the SAME Cotopaxi jacket, the one with the stripe): Six jackets per household, so that’ll be $5,000,000.

• Petty cash for the guys selling the same Maoist newspapers since 1989 (since nobody has ever read those papers beyond the front page, we’re pretty sure that most of the stories are still about the WTO and how Dick Cheney is a war criminal, but if we don’t keep buying from them they’re gonna get ornery): $475,000.

• One particularly elaborate sign whose meaning is unclear but which features a picture of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Malcolm X, Jimmy Carter, and Chadwick Bozeman as Black Panther all embracing in heaven (we think the message is a good one? we really don’t want to ask any further questions): $50.

• PA system (must only project sound at levels equal to that of two people whispering secrets to one another in a crowded train station): $4.99.

• New cars (to drive by and give solidarity honks, which reminds me– we need to remember to place the PA system as close as humanly possible to the nearest through street, so that the car horns can better complement the speakers): $1,000,000.

• New cargo bike (Cedar’s family would like one): $5000.

• Police presence (George, as you know, we are not directly responsible for this expense, because our local municipality spends 200% of its budget on police and 5% on sticking orange cones in the vicinity of potholes, but we wanted to note it regardless– the range here is to account for whether the protestors are mostly White, in which case there will be three bored cops playing Candy Crush on their phones, or mostly Black, in which case there will be fifty tanks, a National Guard battalion, and at least two trained Godzillas): $200,000-$50,000,000,000.

• Conflict resolution (for the inevitable scuffle between the Unitarian Universalist Peace and Justice Committee and the Congregationalist Peace Action Team): $20,000.

• Flags (currently we have orders for Palestine, Mexico, Canada, Ukraine, Greenland, two different feuding DSA chapters and at least four different Montessori schools): $7500.

• Anarchist bloc (note: more expensive than in year’s past, both b/c of tariffs and also we splurged on the extra scowly crew): $10,000,000.

• Post-protest think piece budget (extra naval-gazey): $2,000,000.

• Post-protest White Lotus think piece budget (I know that we’ve already spent a lot here, George, but we feel like we’re just a couple essays away from really cracking the code as to whether the depiction of middle-aged female friendship was empowering or misogynistic): $3,000,000.

• Post-protest urgent care budget (“Cedar! How did you swallow an entire Maoist newspaper? You know you’re allergic to polemics!”): $25,000.

• Eggs (not for the protest, we could just use help buying eggs): $1000 per carton.

---

End notes:

• No but seriously: I love us, and I love that we’re trying. Keep it up, friends.

• Also: For the record, no, George Soros is not funding me, nor is any other billionaire. Why do you think I have to keep adding in these plaintive little reminders about how my writing and organizing work is only possible because of paid subscribers? I mean, George, seriously, if you’d like to pay for a thousand subscriptions I’d welcome it! Let’s talk! But until that happens, non-billionaire friends, thanks for your continued support.

• Registration is still open for the two bonus Barnraisers Project “How To Actually Build Community” classes (it’s the same class that I ran earlier this year, but I added a couple of sessions because of super high demand). Thursday, April 24th at 9:30 AM CT and Sunday, April 27th at 3:00 PM CT. Both classes are free, virtual and two hours long. REGISTER HERE!

• Want to see one more “Musk and Trump don’t care about you” sticker in the wild? Well, why don’t I ask another question, then. ARE YOU READY FOR COMEDY NIGHT IN TEMECULA?

• Finally, speaking of paid subscribers, don’t worry, we ARE still having our weekly discussion: Here’s this week’s question (somehow, it’s actually connected to all that nonsense I wrote up above):

  Let’s say you were given a no strings attached grant to spend five years on a project that would build/sustain a community— the grant would deliberately not be enough to build or sustain a new nonprofit organization, but would be more than sufficient to cover your salary and benefits, any care-giving expense you’d need assistance with to truly focus on the work, and any supplies you’d need)… what would you do (and while you’re at it, tell us a bit about the community you have in mind; it’s cool for it to be either geographically bound or not)?