As a middle school teacher, this resonates deeply. I have been trying to get back to the fearlessness and pure ethics of my 8th grade self (because I hadn’t yet encountered systems in a meaningful way I could understand) since approximately junior year, and being with my students is the only thing that gets me close. They are the best. Teaching them is exhausting about 95% of the time, but they are the absolute best. And yes, the joy of watching them with slightly younger kids who idolize them? Perfection and encouragement that the world will continue on.
Exhausting but the best! I also think that's such an interesting reflection-- getting back to the fearlessness and ethics of the self we were able to connect with before systems ground us down.
I was just coming to say something similar! I'm (sadly) a former middle school teacher, but it resonated with me too. My middle school experience was pretty brutal (extensive bullying) but it was super effective in terms of immunity to peer pressure. What was the worst that could happen? I could lose all my friends? Been there done that, lived through it. Becoming a MS teacher was very healing. Plus I am completely convinced that the kids are going to save us. They're so much better than we were at that age. And probably than we (and those older than us) are at any age.
Long ago I was a summer camp counselor and each week my cabin refilled with a new batch of middle school girls. I loved them so much, and felt so soft about the way some were obviously trying on new personas and styles during their camp week.
Back when I still was trying to make Christianity make sense for me, I for years taught middle school Sunday School, and I loved those kids too. To me they still had a lot of the sweetness and wonder of younger kids but they desperately wanted to be seen as mature.
I found that if I took them seriously, as people with their own valuable viewpoints, and with no mockery and no “because I said so” attitude, they responded marvelously. Be matter of fact, feel tender, never condescend.
I think you’re on the something; I want to think more about my view and treatment of adults vs middle-schoolers. I haven’t yet been able think of my own middle school self as kindly yet, however. I still wince! Something else to work on, no doubt.
We all want to be taken seriously, as people with valuable viewpoints, and we all are teething somewhere between wanting to be seen as mature and wanting to be seen as fun!
This was excellent, as always, Garrett. Your description of your middle school years was so close to my own (but not exactly the same-Ghandi poster?!?) that it almost hurt to read. What a difficult, awkward, beautiful time it was.
I do feel a responsibility to comment on one thing I have noticed in your writing, however. I feel I am allowed to do so based on the fact that I grew up in Dayton, Ohio in the same era in which you were coming of age. There is a very Deal Sisters through line running amongst your written work. Is this something you’ve identified in yourself? Have you explored this? Do you also find yourself humming Pixies songs at inappropriate times?
Absolutely fascinated by the Deal sisters, of course (their genius, their humanness, the fact that they frequently get on each other's nerves) and also am obsessed with that perfect time period where Dayton was the center of the alternative music world.
RE eating everything in sight. I remember taking my Choir officers on a weekend camping trip to Sol Duc Hotsprings. Before we left, one of the parents asked me doubtfully if we had enough food. I assured her that we did. We went through all of it in a few hours. I had to go in to Port Angeles to buy more. Rookie mistake lol. But it was one of my best years of teaching. They were so vulnerable and goofy and weird at the same time.
Middle school...SERIOUSLY! Way back when, it was just 7th and 8th grades, and that was crazy enough. My kids and grands each went through some version 7-9 or, later 6-8. 7-9 learned to stand up for herself physically and that was NOT comfortable for her. 6-8 developed his own version of mini-UN as a friendship group and informed me that the "skin-heads" were NOT an issue unless you went after them like his "stupid friend" had done. Grands are LOVING 6-8 because of all the diversity in classes, staff, and opportunities in sports and the arts. When I worked in a PK-5, the hardest thing in my year as a school counselor was trying to cushion the move to middle school for my non-conforming and special needs students...and that was in a "good" school district. Years later it still breaks my heart to KNOW that there is such a vast range in safety and quality for students depending on where they live, the color of their skin, their capacity to conform, their gender identity, and so much more. We KNOW how to make things better, but tradition and inertia keep winning out.
Until I read some of the other comments, I totally forgot that my most torturous memories of middle school are from my very first experience teaching. I was totally unprepared and the kids knew it and let me know that they did with tactless honesty. More recently I did work with middle schoolers in a religious school setting, and they were indeed awesome, lovable, and kind. I used to believe that middle school should be overnight camp with socialization and high ropes classes along with academics. More recently, seeing the kids who thrive in middle school, I'm definitely revising that view.
As a middle school teacher, this resonates deeply. I have been trying to get back to the fearlessness and pure ethics of my 8th grade self (because I hadn’t yet encountered systems in a meaningful way I could understand) since approximately junior year, and being with my students is the only thing that gets me close. They are the best. Teaching them is exhausting about 95% of the time, but they are the absolute best. And yes, the joy of watching them with slightly younger kids who idolize them? Perfection and encouragement that the world will continue on.
Exhausting but the best! I also think that's such an interesting reflection-- getting back to the fearlessness and ethics of the self we were able to connect with before systems ground us down.
I was just coming to say something similar! I'm (sadly) a former middle school teacher, but it resonated with me too. My middle school experience was pretty brutal (extensive bullying) but it was super effective in terms of immunity to peer pressure. What was the worst that could happen? I could lose all my friends? Been there done that, lived through it. Becoming a MS teacher was very healing. Plus I am completely convinced that the kids are going to save us. They're so much better than we were at that age. And probably than we (and those older than us) are at any age.
I agree with all this! And I'm so, so glad that teaching middle school could help heal the expereience of being in middle school.
Long ago I was a summer camp counselor and each week my cabin refilled with a new batch of middle school girls. I loved them so much, and felt so soft about the way some were obviously trying on new personas and styles during their camp week.
Back when I still was trying to make Christianity make sense for me, I for years taught middle school Sunday School, and I loved those kids too. To me they still had a lot of the sweetness and wonder of younger kids but they desperately wanted to be seen as mature.
I found that if I took them seriously, as people with their own valuable viewpoints, and with no mockery and no “because I said so” attitude, they responded marvelously. Be matter of fact, feel tender, never condescend.
I think you’re on the something; I want to think more about my view and treatment of adults vs middle-schoolers. I haven’t yet been able think of my own middle school self as kindly yet, however. I still wince! Something else to work on, no doubt.
We all want to be taken seriously, as people with valuable viewpoints, and we all are teething somewhere between wanting to be seen as mature and wanting to be seen as fun!
"He wanted to be fully seen, but not noticed." So much for me in that one sentence. Thank you for your writing.
Oh thank you Jean.
This was excellent, as always, Garrett. Your description of your middle school years was so close to my own (but not exactly the same-Ghandi poster?!?) that it almost hurt to read. What a difficult, awkward, beautiful time it was.
I do feel a responsibility to comment on one thing I have noticed in your writing, however. I feel I am allowed to do so based on the fact that I grew up in Dayton, Ohio in the same era in which you were coming of age. There is a very Deal Sisters through line running amongst your written work. Is this something you’ve identified in yourself? Have you explored this? Do you also find yourself humming Pixies songs at inappropriate times?
Absolutely fascinated by the Deal sisters, of course (their genius, their humanness, the fact that they frequently get on each other's nerves) and also am obsessed with that perfect time period where Dayton was the center of the alternative music world.
RE eating everything in sight. I remember taking my Choir officers on a weekend camping trip to Sol Duc Hotsprings. Before we left, one of the parents asked me doubtfully if we had enough food. I assured her that we did. We went through all of it in a few hours. I had to go in to Port Angeles to buy more. Rookie mistake lol. But it was one of my best years of teaching. They were so vulnerable and goofy and weird at the same time.
Middle school...SERIOUSLY! Way back when, it was just 7th and 8th grades, and that was crazy enough. My kids and grands each went through some version 7-9 or, later 6-8. 7-9 learned to stand up for herself physically and that was NOT comfortable for her. 6-8 developed his own version of mini-UN as a friendship group and informed me that the "skin-heads" were NOT an issue unless you went after them like his "stupid friend" had done. Grands are LOVING 6-8 because of all the diversity in classes, staff, and opportunities in sports and the arts. When I worked in a PK-5, the hardest thing in my year as a school counselor was trying to cushion the move to middle school for my non-conforming and special needs students...and that was in a "good" school district. Years later it still breaks my heart to KNOW that there is such a vast range in safety and quality for students depending on where they live, the color of their skin, their capacity to conform, their gender identity, and so much more. We KNOW how to make things better, but tradition and inertia keep winning out.
Until I read some of the other comments, I totally forgot that my most torturous memories of middle school are from my very first experience teaching. I was totally unprepared and the kids knew it and let me know that they did with tactless honesty. More recently I did work with middle schoolers in a religious school setting, and they were indeed awesome, lovable, and kind. I used to believe that middle school should be overnight camp with socialization and high ropes classes along with academics. More recently, seeing the kids who thrive in middle school, I'm definitely revising that view.