July, 2024- Berkeley- near Richmond where I live- several Palestinian-Americans at the protest talked of their Survivor Guilt- relatives dying and in Berkeley - physical safety- one speaker shared that she was coping by- seriously getting to know everyone on her block- Community- so important and helpful!
Really grateful for all of this. So much resonated with things on my mind right now. I thought these words, in particular, beautifully captured something I have been trying to articulate.
"None of us have figured it out, this art of navigating our own complicated lives while also bearing witness to a world in pain."
Thanks for this. Flavors of this have been on my brain lately as well. How do we remove the binary of "winning" and "losing" from our conversations and continue moving forward in spite of the perceived level of success (perceived by ourselves and others) in our actions?
I love the question, and of course don't have an answer, but have noticed that there's been something powerful recently about giving myself grace and being like "of course my brain is doing that" when I get lost still in wanting to be perceived as doing good.
I will say, there is a meaningful side to the "perceived as doing good" feedback loop, though. Collective, positive pressure is what we're leaning into, isn't it? Might be a baby and bathwater distinction, but it is important. :)
Thank you so much for this gift, Garrett! It put words to what I have been feeling and helped me find compassion for those I too often judge, myself and those I perceive as uncaring.
A few months ago, the co-host of a podcast I listen to offered a $15,000 match if listeners would donate to Al Otro Lado, which provides legal assistance to migrants on both sides of the US-Mexico border. Initially, he wasn't sure if the fundraiser would reach its $15K goal, but it blew past it, and the amount raised currently stands at $236,000 (the campaign was revived recently with a new $25K match by author Elizabeth Gilbert after Al Otro Lado lost $2M in federal funding). His podcast is fun and frivolous, the sort of thing you listen to in order to take your mind off our current hellscape, and I thought this was such a smart way to give people an opportunity to come together and do something meaningful.
Beautiful words, Garrett. Thank you. I can definitely relate to many of these thoughts and feelings. I was recently told off by someone close to me for posting in support of Palestinian lives. It's incomprehensible to me. It makes me sad but I know others risk losing much more for speaking out against injustice. So how I won't stop.
I truly believe that we are all living through a deeply heartbreaking moment, and that leads us in all sorts of directions, sometimes towards one another, sometimes away form one another.
Yup. Watching it happen among my loved ones right now, and I'm wrestling against my lifelong impulse (and pattern) to try to smooth it all over for them/us. But, I've finally come to understand that debating just entrenches people's positions. And wise folks on several discussion spaces have reminded me that estrangement is not necessarily forever. So I'm trying to focus on letting people have their own emotions and hoping they'll find their own ways back together. The reqlization that i can best hope for this by watching, not intervening, feels especially hard.
It's really, really hard, isn't it Bethann? To echo what you wrote here-- I think a lot about how invitations aren't time bound-- somebody in our life can choose not to take up an invitation from us in the short term, but that doesn't mean they won't in the future.
That is such a perfect and helpful way to think of it. Thanks, Garrett. And, I can say it has proven true many times in my life already. My own shifts in perspectives to what I value now have taken place over decades, thanks to many invitations from people who have no idea what the final outcome was. And, there have been some shifts in some of my family, after 20-ish years of my (frequently heavy-handed) invitations to join me/us all in the realm of reciprocity and mutual care. The work I do professionally, and so much of my personal life, fundamentally requires believing change is always possible. You said it so well, though, woth the invitation metaphor.
Hey, Garrett, I’ve been reading as a free subscriber for a while, telling myself that I can’t be a paid subscriber to every Substack I read (or can I?) and this post is the one that made me immediately click on upgrade. Thanks for your humility and your humanity. This is not the first time your writing has made me feel seen and understood and not alone and I know it won’t be the last. Thank you.
“That may sound unsatisfactory if you’re still lost in the lie of self-aggrandizement, if you believe that it is on you personally to end genocide, to stomp fascism, and to have your every action have a far more than an equal reaction.” Thank you for spelling out my totally irrational belief! It is so patently nonsensical - how did I (we) ever come to hold this as a standard?
I'm so glad this connected for you because this was one of those things that I didn't even realize I was doing until I named it (in this essay) out loud. Like "wait, why is my brain disappointed when I attend a protest literally one time and it does not stop an entire war?"
I am so glad that more and more folks are talking about psychic numbing, but I want to make sure that they don't miss out on the very positive thing it says about human nature (that we do want to help)
‘Onward discursive soldiers, “well actuallying” to war’ — a perfect reference, and description of the current vibe.
Almost cut that line so I'm now super glad I kept it in!
Glad you kept it. So familiar to many of us, I assume. And the reframe is..."chef's kiss."
July, 2024- Berkeley- near Richmond where I live- several Palestinian-Americans at the protest talked of their Survivor Guilt- relatives dying and in Berkeley - physical safety- one speaker shared that she was coping by- seriously getting to know everyone on her block- Community- so important and helpful!
That's really beautiful
Really grateful for all of this. So much resonated with things on my mind right now. I thought these words, in particular, beautifully captured something I have been trying to articulate.
"None of us have figured it out, this art of navigating our own complicated lives while also bearing witness to a world in pain."
It means a lot to know that you're fumbling through everything about this moment too, Amara.
Thanks for this. Flavors of this have been on my brain lately as well. How do we remove the binary of "winning" and "losing" from our conversations and continue moving forward in spite of the perceived level of success (perceived by ourselves and others) in our actions?
I love the question, and of course don't have an answer, but have noticed that there's been something powerful recently about giving myself grace and being like "of course my brain is doing that" when I get lost still in wanting to be perceived as doing good.
I will say, there is a meaningful side to the "perceived as doing good" feedback loop, though. Collective, positive pressure is what we're leaning into, isn't it? Might be a baby and bathwater distinction, but it is important. :)
Thank you so much for this gift, Garrett! It put words to what I have been feeling and helped me find compassion for those I too often judge, myself and those I perceive as uncaring.
So glad I'm not the only one feeling this!
A few months ago, the co-host of a podcast I listen to offered a $15,000 match if listeners would donate to Al Otro Lado, which provides legal assistance to migrants on both sides of the US-Mexico border. Initially, he wasn't sure if the fundraiser would reach its $15K goal, but it blew past it, and the amount raised currently stands at $236,000 (the campaign was revived recently with a new $25K match by author Elizabeth Gilbert after Al Otro Lado lost $2M in federal funding). His podcast is fun and frivolous, the sort of thing you listen to in order to take your mind off our current hellscape, and I thought this was such a smart way to give people an opportunity to come together and do something meaningful.
https://alotrolado.networkforgood.com/projects/243024-let-s-do-something
Wow! Think both of the money and its impact on the org and also the number of people who got to experience collective action.
Beautiful words, Garrett. Thank you. I can definitely relate to many of these thoughts and feelings. I was recently told off by someone close to me for posting in support of Palestinian lives. It's incomprehensible to me. It makes me sad but I know others risk losing much more for speaking out against injustice. So how I won't stop.
I truly believe that we are all living through a deeply heartbreaking moment, and that leads us in all sorts of directions, sometimes towards one another, sometimes away form one another.
Yup. Watching it happen among my loved ones right now, and I'm wrestling against my lifelong impulse (and pattern) to try to smooth it all over for them/us. But, I've finally come to understand that debating just entrenches people's positions. And wise folks on several discussion spaces have reminded me that estrangement is not necessarily forever. So I'm trying to focus on letting people have their own emotions and hoping they'll find their own ways back together. The reqlization that i can best hope for this by watching, not intervening, feels especially hard.
It's really, really hard, isn't it Bethann? To echo what you wrote here-- I think a lot about how invitations aren't time bound-- somebody in our life can choose not to take up an invitation from us in the short term, but that doesn't mean they won't in the future.
That is such a perfect and helpful way to think of it. Thanks, Garrett. And, I can say it has proven true many times in my life already. My own shifts in perspectives to what I value now have taken place over decades, thanks to many invitations from people who have no idea what the final outcome was. And, there have been some shifts in some of my family, after 20-ish years of my (frequently heavy-handed) invitations to join me/us all in the realm of reciprocity and mutual care. The work I do professionally, and so much of my personal life, fundamentally requires believing change is always possible. You said it so well, though, woth the invitation metaphor.
Can I quote this comment on my social media Garrett? It sums up my feelings so well.
Absolutely!
Hey, Garrett, I’ve been reading as a free subscriber for a while, telling myself that I can’t be a paid subscriber to every Substack I read (or can I?) and this post is the one that made me immediately click on upgrade. Thanks for your humility and your humanity. This is not the first time your writing has made me feel seen and understood and not alone and I know it won’t be the last. Thank you.
Oh Lori this is so kind of yoU, thank you!
“That may sound unsatisfactory if you’re still lost in the lie of self-aggrandizement, if you believe that it is on you personally to end genocide, to stomp fascism, and to have your every action have a far more than an equal reaction.” Thank you for spelling out my totally irrational belief! It is so patently nonsensical - how did I (we) ever come to hold this as a standard?
I'm so glad this connected for you because this was one of those things that I didn't even realize I was doing until I named it (in this essay) out loud. Like "wait, why is my brain disappointed when I attend a protest literally one time and it does not stop an entire war?"
^^^^^
Thank you for this perspective shift, and about the concept of psychic numbing in particular!
I am so glad that more and more folks are talking about psychic numbing, but I want to make sure that they don't miss out on the very positive thing it says about human nature (that we do want to help)
Yes your take here is nuanced which I appreciate 🤍
And now I want that zucchini bar recipe.
Exactly - Libby!! Help your pals out!
Watch this space! Will Libby see this post and drop the recipe??? Only time will tell.
Came to say this 🙂