Endless shrimp is a force that gives us meaning

The brands heard that you were lonely and would like to propose a solution

Red Lobster wants your attention. You can tell, because their current ads deploy not one but two separate announcers. There’s the expository guy. He’s a little pushy but at least he sticks to the facts. And then there’s the loud guy. He’s got a deep voice. He sounds like he’s broadcasting live from the submerged city of Atlantis. He says it with feeling, and also reverb.

“Because you’ve been asking… a lot… and we made it happen.”

So claims the not-from-Atlantis announcer. But what’s he talking about? We have been asking for many things. To be able to afford homes, for example, or not to have war crimes committed in our names, or to have our planet still exist twenty years from now.

Oh, this is about shrimp. Endless shrimp. It’s back, or so I’m told, in multiple forms. Every time the less pushy guy shares one of the currently available shrimp offerings, his partner pipes up with a complementary point straight from the bottom of the sea.

“Walt’s favorite shrimp.”

“ ENDLESS!”

“Garlic shrimp scampi”

“ENDLESS”

“Shrimp linguini alfredo”

“ENDLESS?”

“And all new marry me shrimp”

“ALL ENDLESS!”

The duo isn’t wrong. Endless shrimp is back. While the previous iteration didn’t technically bankrupt the chain (the real culprit was private equity and real estate chicanery) it was, by all accounts, an absolute mess. American consumers, who rightfully identified that they were getting ripped off in every facet of their lives, leapt at the opportunity to get one over at least one big business.

Back when Endless Shrimp was a permanent feature, shrimp hoarders would occupy tables for hours at a time, not leaving until they beat the house. The real victim of this behavior was, of course, the chain’s underpaid servers (if you walk into a restaurant with “me against these suckers” mindset, you’re less likely to view your waiter as a fellow victim of capitalism and you’re definitely not going to tip well). For the C-Suite, though, the larger concern wasn’t the dignity of their employees. It was a jumbo-sized hole in their bottom line.

It’s like The Boss once sang. Endless shrimp dies baby, that’s a fact. But maybe the endless shrimp that dies, some days comes back. Put your make-up on, do your hair up pretty, and meet me tonight at the only Red Lobster still open in your city.

I’m not all that interested in the relative success or failure of chain restaurant promotions, but I do care about the various ways corporations try to win our affection (meaningful cultural signifiers, or so I’d argue). And contra the two announcer voices, the most interesting thing about Red Lobster’s promotion isn’t the shellfish, either of the Walt’s Favorite or Marry Me varieties. It’s what’s whispered rather than shouted.

You see, the biggest difference between the current iteration of Endless Shrimp and its unprofitable predecessor is that now Red Lobster wants you to know that you (the shrimp-loving consumer) and they (the company) are in this together.

If you want the full story, I highly recommend this piece by Luke Winkie in Slate, but here’s the truncated version. There are varieties of shrimp on the Red Lobster menu that aren’t officially part of the promotion. They’re on the menu, but excluded from the benevolent blanket of endlessness. But if a customer were to ask for unlimited quantities of a non-official item (for example, Crispy Dragon Shrimp, a food item that I’m assured contains no actual dragon), the server is to welcome them into a cool secret. Their official, handbook-mandated line? “These items aren’t on the menu for this promotion, but I would be happy to make an exception for you.”

It’s like they say, “the exception is the rule.” Except literally, and by mandate. Servers are required by corporate policy to act like you and they are cheating the system, in hopes that when you remember the night you rode the dragon (shrimp), you remember it not as a conspiracy-of-one, but a sneaky secret between you and your best friend (Red Lobster restaurants, a subsidiary of the Thai Union Seafood Company).

This is not a new psychological trick. It’s a classic low stakes confidence game. The most effective way to a mark is to convince them that they are, in fact, in on the con themselves. It’s the same move that car salesmen use when they leave the room to “talk to their manager” before returning with a report that “he didn’t want me to give you this deal, but…”

It’s still striking, though, to see the strategy laid out in grandiose internal strategy documents. A beleaguered but iconic American brand name hedges its survival on two bets. First, that you are tired, angry and aware that you’re on the wrong side of a rigged game (correct). And second, that, by offering you a facsimile of camaraderie and a very real pile of seafood, that they can win your loyalty (huh).

“[This is] about more than just shrimp,” the document proclaims. An absolute work of art, that sentence.

“[It’s] about creating an experience that says, ‘We listen to you.”

“When guests see Endless Shrimp back on the menu, they feel heard and valued.”

I have never addressed a sit-down chain’s internal strategy document, but I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say, tears in my eyes: Red Lobster, thank you. THIS is what democracy looks like.

As Eli Zeger argued in his 2020 essay about companies that talk like snarky teens on social media, this particular iteration of the “brand as friend” canard is the product of the marriage of late stage capitalism (and its reliance on the selling of “ideas” rather than goods and services) and the post-Citizen United codification of corporate personhood. Red Lobster isn’t a restaruant anymore. It’s your rule-breaking, shrimp loving, newly empathetic pal. It sees you. In fact, it is the only one who see you. It gets that you’re broke, but more so that you’re alone. It’s no longer offering you cheap shrimp (the price tag for the promotion has risen markedly since its last iteration). It’s promising you something more important– belonging, connection, a port in the storm of alienation and precarity we’re all weathering.

Red Lobster’s friendship?

“Endless”

Or that’s the idea at least. Apparently, the promotion hasn’t been as lucrative as the company had hoped, at least so far. It’s not 2016 anymore. We’re seeking something more these days. Bread and roses? Perhaps, but definitely not just shrimp.

But Red Lobster isn’t alone, in surveying a landscape of mass alienation (economic, relational, spiritual) and seeing a business opportunity. Advertising agencies are publishing unironic blogs chillingly titled “the loneliness crisis: how brands can step up?” Silicon Valley’s greatest minds heard that you wanted community and responded with sycophantic AI chatbots. Apparently, our tech overlords’ understanding of human relationships is a robot who agrees with you all the time, including when you muse about harming yourself. Even the outright scammers get it. Gone are the days of far flung princes offering you a financial windfall. As you may have experienced personally, the hot new con is… pretending to be an acquaintance and inviting you to a party.

This is a step beyond the classic commodification funnel, as documented in nineties leftist classics like No Logo and The Conquest of Cool. The brands are no longer promising a great deal, or even hipness. What’s on offer now is the dream of a welcoming community, one deep enough to solve for the isolation that the companies themselves helped create.

That’s very depressing, of course, both the reminder that our economy has always been built on the exploitation of vulnerability, and the reality that there’s just so much more vulnerability to be exploited at this particular moment.

But there’s another truth, not a counterpoint, but a complement. How fortunate, for those of us who actually want to connect with other human beings, rather than just make a quick buck off of them. We already have what every corporation in the world wishes they had– the fact that, when we offer a space by our side, to either a stranger or a friend, we actually mean it. We’re not trying to trick you into springing for a Main Deck Margarita Flight to go along with your shrimp. We’re not trying to mine your data or add you to a marketing funnel or load you up with debt and junk. We just think this world would be more navigable together rather than apart.

And as an organizing opportunity? From union drives to neighbor-to-neighbor activism to the precious few political campaigns that care more about building community than personal brand building? My goodness. Why do you keep hearing about neighborism these days, and not just from true believers like me? Because more people are admitting every day how hungry they are for connection, and then taking the risk of making an offering.

The terrible news right now is that the hucksters are going to keep selling us a flim flam simulacra of belonging. Yes, the consultants, but also (I fear) the politicians. I strongly suspect the 2028 Democratic primary to feature a million text messages about “neighbors” and “community” penned by a well-heeled K-Street consultants. But the good news is that we aren’t that dumb. We know the brands aren’t our friends. We’ve lived through the great social media con together. We know what the lie looks like, and now we’d much prefer the deeply imperfect, thoroughly messy alternative.

They’ll offer us endless shrimp. And we’ll say no thank you. We’d prefer each other, please. Even if that’s not on the secret menu.

END NOTES (A BUNCH THIS WEEK, BUT THEY’RE FUN):

1. Oh, that Vox article I linked to above about neighborism? It was really fun to be a part of it and to have quotes throughout. I think the reporter, Sara Radin, did a great job.

2. The 50 state relay of community gathering is real and wonderful! A few updates:

   1. Here’s a nice article about tour Seattle launch and also my thoughts on the night.

   2. Our second event was this past Sunday in Portland at Reedwood Friends and it was the first of many events that I won’t be at personally (I was very jealous) but it was by all accounts INCREDIBLE and we’ll have a write-up on our website soon.

   3. Not one but two relay vents this next week, and I’ll be at BOTH OF THEM!

      1. Thursday, May 14th in San Francisco— An everybody’s welcome at the table party at Fog City Community Fitness (1649 Valencia). 6:30-9:300.

      2. Saturday, May 16th in Kalāheo (Kauai)— Yellow House invites you to a celebration of neighbors (complete with fire dancing). 4:00-9:00 at the corner of Papalino and Alelo.

3. Speaking of my upcoming visit to the Bay Area, because it was so successful in Seattle and Minneapolis, I’m once again doing HANG OUT OFFICE HOURS. On Thursday, May 14th, I’’ll be posted up from about. noon-4:00 at Kinfolx Coffee in Uptown Oakland. Want to, well, hang out? Just sign up for a slot here. Old friends and current strangers alike, everybody’s welcome.

4. We are VERY CLOSE to announcing our hosts for our next group of states: NV, AZ, NM, UT, CO and ID (fun ones!).

5. AND ALSO… NOW IS THE TIME TO APPLY FOR OUR NEXT ROUND OF STATES: Montana, Wyoming, North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas. YOU’RE UP. Deadline is May 31st, As I’ve mentioned in previous weeks, Applying is not hard! Perhaps you want to toss your name in, if for no other reason than to tell my intrusive thoughts that they are silly [or more likely, because being a part of the relay is very cool and low impact and we literally give you money (a hosting stipend)].

6. Every week, I make a pitch at the end of these essays to help support The White Pages with a paid subscription. And yes I truly hope you do so! I think we’re doing some really great work thanks to your support (I mean, we’re literally hosting 50 gatherings across the country, and while we do have a great to help pay for my colleague Carly’s time on that, my income comes almost solely from your subscriptions). Man, it’d be great to be able to keep doing this for a living.

   But, today’s pitch is a bit different. Right now is a rough time in just about every field (so if you’re squeezed right now, ignore this), but that definitely includes this weird world of newslettering. Just about every newsletter author I know is having to hustle harder to keep making a living doing this work. Lots of reasons for that (the biggest: when everybody’s broke, discretionary expenses are the first to go), but the fact remains. If there’s a newsletter author you value (doesn’t have to be me!) this would be a great time to show them some love— a subscription if you can manage, a share if you can’t, a nice note if you’ve got the time. I’m going to do so as well, and share back next week about who I chose to support myself.

7. I got out of the habit of songs of the week, but I have it on good authority that you can easily make this one into a parody song about endless shrimp.

8. I know I referenced and linked to this above but it’s still amazing to me that this is a headline that was written in all sincerity.