This is so lovely, Garrett. I have counted on the folks, like you, particularly in group settings, because that is not my strength anymore, who faithfully try to be there to awkwardly and earnestly welcome me in when I manage to get out there. It is a tremendous gift, that.
For those of us who are better at community building one-on-one, I have a story! Over a year ago, I put out a general call online, asking if anyone wanted to swap landscaping/gardening help. Like, one day you come and help me with some projects around my house that would be easier or more enjoyable with another set of hands and then another day I return the favor. It was heartfelt and (I thought) useful, to me and others. I was proud of myself for putting myself out there. And then there were... crickets. Folks chimed in, Oh! What a great idea! But no one actually said, Yes, I'd love to. THEN, TODAY, a year, maybe a year and a half (?) later, another single mom who lives a few blocks from me who I vaguely know socially but only vaguely messaged me to ask if I was still up for it. AND I AM. So, now we're going to start helping and gardening with each other.
Community! Come early or late! In packs or one by one! Woot!
This is something I think about a lot (and sometimes remember to say out loud)! One of the reasons to "put an invitation out there" is that you never know when somebody's going to pick it up. It could be way later, after you forgot making the invitation, but that's ok!
I love it that she was finally ready and you still were! I have a close friend who I started doing this with but more broadly and it’s been amazing. Sometimes it’s yardwork, sometimes it’s clean out the garage, sometimes it’s painting, sometimes it’s reorganize the laundry room… it’s made some tedious chores so much more fun. 🥰 I hope you and your neighbor create a wonderful supportive community together!
Thanks, Garrett. Several things, most importantly, being the one who greets people is crucial in so many ways. Years ago, in another life, I casually plugged into an early Saturday morning breakfast group of gay and lesbian leaders and continued to show up, feeling comfortable, because one old lady always lit up when she saw me and made me feel more than welcome. It led to many rich and varied relationships that continue to this day, decades later. The same with a women's 'professional' lunch group - one woman, a Quaker, always acted delighted to see me. It made a huge difference and kept me plugged into groups that weren't necessarily easy for me, but that I also enjoyed and valued greatly. She's still in my life today.
So, be the person who smiles at those who show up, and keep smiling because every day is a new day. Random days can be hard, even if they should be familiar and easy.
And some days, my current social groups, which usually bring me joy, seem almost toxic, and I can't stand anyone in them. Those are the days I know to back off and shut down. That's hard for a young person like yourself. When you HAVE to drop back, as you sometimes do, give yourself kindness. For me, I practice treating myself as I would my beloved six-year-old grandchild, who has had a meltdown, with love and deep affection.
Finally, I don't use the word' try' anymore - I just 'practice'. For me, 'try' allows failure. Practice is doing it again and again and getting better. Works for me.
You're a light worker, Garrett. Tend your flame carefully with love.
Yes! This made me think about all those "light up when they see me" people that kept me coming back to spaces that I felt tentatively about. That person is so, so important!
Garrett, you are so articulate and vulnerable here. Your words made my heart ache, because I have longed for community, and I am by nature a person that gets behind good works. Northern Utah has not provided a congenial social environment for me in large and small ways. I am over-educated for my cohort group, too old to find age playmates in a sea of very kind but family-entrenched traditional women, so tired of reaching out and being rejected. The result of this social isolation is to find my communities online.
When I first heard your voice, I knew I had found a new community here. I see the effort you are making to teach us, to motivate us. I hear your words this morning ringing loud and clear - they tell us of your need for the support of your own community. And they imply we cannot sit back and let the trustworthy, braver souls among us become weary in doing good. We must do our part. We may not be able to do everything, as Garrett tries to do, but we each can do something to contribute to the work against fascism. We can use our talents to push beyond our self-imposed limits and find a way to add our voice.
I am going to find more ways to do my part. Thank you for inspiring and motivating me this morning. Thank you for all that you are doing and have done to guide us in this important fight against fascism.
I appreciate this so much, but am also so sorry that it's been so hard to find a community that can appreciate, love and sustain you where you're planted right now. One thing I can tell you're doing, which doesn't often feel like it's enough and sometimes doesn't bear fruit as quickly as we'd like but which still matters, is naming out loud the kind of spaces/people you're seeking!
I wonder if you would like The Auntie Bulletin by Lisa Sibbert? I don't fit the profile for it and it is a constant source of solid information for me on many levels. https://theauntie.substack.com/about
My husband used to quote one of his Social Work professors (Manheim, maybe?) saying that our greatest fear as humans is being seen by the person who sees all of our inadequacies and insecurities and laughs at us for trying to hide them. And then this prof made sure his students finished their MSWs and sent them out to sit and be with others in THEIR insecurities and inadequacies and comfort them.
Love this post, Garrett! Lots of juice here to ponder. 🤔
A year ago I got together with some neighbors to try to figure out what we could do to address the flooding that happens more & more frequently in our neighborhood-streets & basements & gardens.
I thought I would go nuts trying to work w these folks- it’s like that old camp contest when you have to try to run with your legs tied to your neighbors’, and they’re not going in the direction that you want to go.
I almost dropped out - Oi, the personalities. Exhausting.
But a year and a few months later, we’re learning to move ahead , all tied together, sort of together.
These folks make me laugh, and I try to refrain from correcting people when they appear to have nothing but stupid ideas.
Some of us even hang out for fun.
It’s gotten easier to accept others’ problem solving “styles.”
Relationships take time to build- and that can’t be done quickly. It’s tempting to race b/c of all the urgency in our world, but I’m trying to learn to be patient.
Relationships take time and time and more time to get fully rooted.
I love this story so much for so many reasons-- in part because I bet that these people, who you now appreciate and love, still quite frequently drive you batty! Both are true!
Makes me think of the quote “I love humanity. It’s people I can’t stand.” I just finished a concert weekend with a choir full of people who insist on talking when they’re supposed to be quiet, who don’t listen so don’t know where they should be in line, etc etc. And yet the joy of singing together to a packed church more than compensates for the irritation. We are glorious messes, aren’t we?
Garrett, my last newsletter was about this very same thing (but in hyper-specific to me personal form). This is a big time for discussion about the importance of community, but it is so important to recognize how hard it can be sometimes (but that it also continually proves worth it--at least I think so). I love this and always appreciate you.
Like me, he's an immigrant to the US; unlike me, he's out there protesting, all by himself, day after day. If he can do it, surely I can drag myself to the next Tesla Takedown or day of action.
Like me, he's an immigrant to the US; unlike me, he's out there protesting, all by himself, day after day. If he can do it, surely I can drag myself to the next Tesla Takedown or day of action.
This is so beautiful. It summarizes my feelings and the reasons I do community-building work personally and professionally: life is better if we don't do it alone.
This is so lovely, Garrett. I have counted on the folks, like you, particularly in group settings, because that is not my strength anymore, who faithfully try to be there to awkwardly and earnestly welcome me in when I manage to get out there. It is a tremendous gift, that.
For those of us who are better at community building one-on-one, I have a story! Over a year ago, I put out a general call online, asking if anyone wanted to swap landscaping/gardening help. Like, one day you come and help me with some projects around my house that would be easier or more enjoyable with another set of hands and then another day I return the favor. It was heartfelt and (I thought) useful, to me and others. I was proud of myself for putting myself out there. And then there were... crickets. Folks chimed in, Oh! What a great idea! But no one actually said, Yes, I'd love to. THEN, TODAY, a year, maybe a year and a half (?) later, another single mom who lives a few blocks from me who I vaguely know socially but only vaguely messaged me to ask if I was still up for it. AND I AM. So, now we're going to start helping and gardening with each other.
Community! Come early or late! In packs or one by one! Woot!
This is something I think about a lot (and sometimes remember to say out loud)! One of the reasons to "put an invitation out there" is that you never know when somebody's going to pick it up. It could be way later, after you forgot making the invitation, but that's ok!
I love it that she was finally ready and you still were! I have a close friend who I started doing this with but more broadly and it’s been amazing. Sometimes it’s yardwork, sometimes it’s clean out the garage, sometimes it’s painting, sometimes it’s reorganize the laundry room… it’s made some tedious chores so much more fun. 🥰 I hope you and your neighbor create a wonderful supportive community together!
Thanks, Garrett. Several things, most importantly, being the one who greets people is crucial in so many ways. Years ago, in another life, I casually plugged into an early Saturday morning breakfast group of gay and lesbian leaders and continued to show up, feeling comfortable, because one old lady always lit up when she saw me and made me feel more than welcome. It led to many rich and varied relationships that continue to this day, decades later. The same with a women's 'professional' lunch group - one woman, a Quaker, always acted delighted to see me. It made a huge difference and kept me plugged into groups that weren't necessarily easy for me, but that I also enjoyed and valued greatly. She's still in my life today.
So, be the person who smiles at those who show up, and keep smiling because every day is a new day. Random days can be hard, even if they should be familiar and easy.
And some days, my current social groups, which usually bring me joy, seem almost toxic, and I can't stand anyone in them. Those are the days I know to back off and shut down. That's hard for a young person like yourself. When you HAVE to drop back, as you sometimes do, give yourself kindness. For me, I practice treating myself as I would my beloved six-year-old grandchild, who has had a meltdown, with love and deep affection.
Finally, I don't use the word' try' anymore - I just 'practice'. For me, 'try' allows failure. Practice is doing it again and again and getting better. Works for me.
You're a light worker, Garrett. Tend your flame carefully with love.
Yes! This made me think about all those "light up when they see me" people that kept me coming back to spaces that I felt tentatively about. That person is so, so important!
Garrett, you are so articulate and vulnerable here. Your words made my heart ache, because I have longed for community, and I am by nature a person that gets behind good works. Northern Utah has not provided a congenial social environment for me in large and small ways. I am over-educated for my cohort group, too old to find age playmates in a sea of very kind but family-entrenched traditional women, so tired of reaching out and being rejected. The result of this social isolation is to find my communities online.
When I first heard your voice, I knew I had found a new community here. I see the effort you are making to teach us, to motivate us. I hear your words this morning ringing loud and clear - they tell us of your need for the support of your own community. And they imply we cannot sit back and let the trustworthy, braver souls among us become weary in doing good. We must do our part. We may not be able to do everything, as Garrett tries to do, but we each can do something to contribute to the work against fascism. We can use our talents to push beyond our self-imposed limits and find a way to add our voice.
I am going to find more ways to do my part. Thank you for inspiring and motivating me this morning. Thank you for all that you are doing and have done to guide us in this important fight against fascism.
I appreciate this so much, but am also so sorry that it's been so hard to find a community that can appreciate, love and sustain you where you're planted right now. One thing I can tell you're doing, which doesn't often feel like it's enough and sometimes doesn't bear fruit as quickly as we'd like but which still matters, is naming out loud the kind of spaces/people you're seeking!
I wonder if you would like The Auntie Bulletin by Lisa Sibbert? I don't fit the profile for it and it is a constant source of solid information for me on many levels. https://theauntie.substack.com/about
I will check it out. Thanks!
My husband used to quote one of his Social Work professors (Manheim, maybe?) saying that our greatest fear as humans is being seen by the person who sees all of our inadequacies and insecurities and laughs at us for trying to hide them. And then this prof made sure his students finished their MSWs and sent them out to sit and be with others in THEIR insecurities and inadequacies and comfort them.
That sounds like a really good Professor and some really wise advice!
Love this post, Garrett! Lots of juice here to ponder. 🤔
A year ago I got together with some neighbors to try to figure out what we could do to address the flooding that happens more & more frequently in our neighborhood-streets & basements & gardens.
I thought I would go nuts trying to work w these folks- it’s like that old camp contest when you have to try to run with your legs tied to your neighbors’, and they’re not going in the direction that you want to go.
I almost dropped out - Oi, the personalities. Exhausting.
But a year and a few months later, we’re learning to move ahead , all tied together, sort of together.
These folks make me laugh, and I try to refrain from correcting people when they appear to have nothing but stupid ideas.
Some of us even hang out for fun.
It’s gotten easier to accept others’ problem solving “styles.”
Relationships take time to build- and that can’t be done quickly. It’s tempting to race b/c of all the urgency in our world, but I’m trying to learn to be patient.
Relationships take time and time and more time to get fully rooted.
I love this story so much for so many reasons-- in part because I bet that these people, who you now appreciate and love, still quite frequently drive you batty! Both are true!
Yes! Batty! I probably drive them batty too. Lol.
Makes me think of the quote “I love humanity. It’s people I can’t stand.” I just finished a concert weekend with a choir full of people who insist on talking when they’re supposed to be quiet, who don’t listen so don’t know where they should be in line, etc etc. And yet the joy of singing together to a packed church more than compensates for the irritation. We are glorious messes, aren’t we?
The most glorious! And also the most messy!
Your posts always come right on time
oh hey, thank you!
Garrett, my last newsletter was about this very same thing (but in hyper-specific to me personal form). This is a big time for discussion about the importance of community, but it is so important to recognize how hard it can be sometimes (but that it also continually proves worth it--at least I think so). I love this and always appreciate you.
Yes! And also... link the newsletter (if you're up for it!)!!!
https://funruiner.substack.com/p/adventures-in-community-building
A few days ago, I saw a guy walking down the street carrying a cardboard sign under his arm. Turns out it was this guy: https://alamedapost.com/op-ed/opinion-do-not-be-intimidated/
Like me, he's an immigrant to the US; unlike me, he's out there protesting, all by himself, day after day. If he can do it, surely I can drag myself to the next Tesla Takedown or day of action.
A few days ago, I saw a guy walking down the street carrying a cardboard sign under his arm. Turns out it was this guy: https://alamedapost.com/op-ed/opinion-do-not-be-intimidated/
Like me, he's an immigrant to the US; unlike me, he's out there protesting, all by himself, day after day. If he can do it, surely I can drag myself to the next Tesla Takedown or day of action.
Oh wow! What a story!
Thanks for writing this one, especially. I have been trying to build community in fits and starts and my energy is flagging.
Your words will keep me going - good reminder that it’s messy and long-term.
I wish it were so much easier, and didn't require so many fits and starts!
And this is one of the many reasons I love you. 💕🌞
Love you back, Anna!
Thank you for saying so eloquently what we're all thinking. Needed to hear today.
I needed to write it, so glad that I wasn't the only one!
This is so beautiful. It summarizes my feelings and the reasons I do community-building work personally and professionally: life is better if we don't do it alone.