This was exactly what I needed to read this morning, not because it's aimed at me but because I am so heartsick and frustrated reading these incredibly un-empathetic, small-minded internet "takes" on gender, whether it's against women or trans folks or "beta cuck" men. Like, go plant a garden. Bring some cookies to your neighbor. Stop using other people as your punching bag. Thank you for your graceful example, Garrett.
I think maybe the biggest problem is that there’s no Big Podcast or protein powder money in saying, “You’ll be happier if you just treat everyone in your life like a human being who matters.”
Been thinking about this topic for awhile, and what kind of life we’re setting our young men (and women for)…excited to add some of this thinking to the essay I’m writing in my head 😅. Have you seen what Josh Gondelman recently wrote for Playboy about loving his wife? I was like, YES this is the kind of content we need more of to just…affirm how lovely a partnership of equals can be.
I think Josh is such a great example of a dude walking through the world with delight and joy and gentleness (and also, even if I didn't share his world view, I can't imagine I still wouldn't find him 10 times funnier than any of those dudes on Kill Tony). I haven't read this essay yet, though! Can't wait!
Part of the problem is the lie that happiness comes from owning things. In order for consumerism to continue, the people have to believe they are just one more thing away from the happiness they have been promised. Now the world has priced young people out of owning a great many things, in order to maintain the lie they tell young men that "owning" women is the way to happiness. Donald Trump and Elon Musk have oodles of money and stuff, and even women, and yet they are two of the most unhappy seeming men on the planet. If I look around the real world at the men who are most content and experience genuine periods of happiness, they are the ones whose relationships are true partnerships. It's time to stop believing the snake oil salesmen that tell us we are entitled to perpetual happiness and that it can be achieved through owning things or people.
We need more ways to make positive masculinity accessible and normalized. The weird power dynamics of a lot of male culture is the core part of a lot of the problem. Men simply being in non-hierarchical friendship/relationship with others is a pattern that needs more development.
Thanks for doing your part in getting this message out there.
Really appreciated reading this, I'm always struck by how few men are willing to critically look at how we're socialized and am left wanting others to talk about it with. Like, are we just good being the main perpetrators of violence and exploitation? It really resonated with me how Terrence Real describes it as killing the relational self in boys through our culture so they grow up with limited tools deemed socially acceptable, namely anger and aggression. I love the way you frame the argument, its through wanting the best for all men that we want this change.
This was exactly what I needed to read this morning, not because it's aimed at me but because I am so heartsick and frustrated reading these incredibly un-empathetic, small-minded internet "takes" on gender, whether it's against women or trans folks or "beta cuck" men. Like, go plant a garden. Bring some cookies to your neighbor. Stop using other people as your punching bag. Thank you for your graceful example, Garrett.
Yes! Just do a kind, creative thing! And then anothe one! And another! No podcast opining required.
This essay is well worth it if it can change just a few minds. We need as many narratives as possible to offset the narratives of the grifters.
Appreciate this, David.
This is great, Garrett. Thank you sincerely.
I think maybe the biggest problem is that there’s no Big Podcast or protein powder money in saying, “You’ll be happier if you just treat everyone in your life like a human being who matters.”
Been thinking about this topic for awhile, and what kind of life we’re setting our young men (and women for)…excited to add some of this thinking to the essay I’m writing in my head 😅. Have you seen what Josh Gondelman recently wrote for Playboy about loving his wife? I was like, YES this is the kind of content we need more of to just…affirm how lovely a partnership of equals can be.
https://playboy.substack.com/p/love-can-look-like-anything-even?r=18vj&utm_medium=ios
I think Josh is such a great example of a dude walking through the world with delight and joy and gentleness (and also, even if I didn't share his world view, I can't imagine I still wouldn't find him 10 times funnier than any of those dudes on Kill Tony). I haven't read this essay yet, though! Can't wait!
Thanks for this essay. You are so right. Building community, building a caring community is what we can all do right now.
For just about any of the crises we're facing, it's a pretty good path!
Part of the problem is the lie that happiness comes from owning things. In order for consumerism to continue, the people have to believe they are just one more thing away from the happiness they have been promised. Now the world has priced young people out of owning a great many things, in order to maintain the lie they tell young men that "owning" women is the way to happiness. Donald Trump and Elon Musk have oodles of money and stuff, and even women, and yet they are two of the most unhappy seeming men on the planet. If I look around the real world at the men who are most content and experience genuine periods of happiness, they are the ones whose relationships are true partnerships. It's time to stop believing the snake oil salesmen that tell us we are entitled to perpetual happiness and that it can be achieved through owning things or people.
We need more ways to make positive masculinity accessible and normalized. The weird power dynamics of a lot of male culture is the core part of a lot of the problem. Men simply being in non-hierarchical friendship/relationship with others is a pattern that needs more development.
Thanks for doing your part in getting this message out there.
Really appreciated reading this, I'm always struck by how few men are willing to critically look at how we're socialized and am left wanting others to talk about it with. Like, are we just good being the main perpetrators of violence and exploitation? It really resonated with me how Terrence Real describes it as killing the relational self in boys through our culture so they grow up with limited tools deemed socially acceptable, namely anger and aggression. I love the way you frame the argument, its through wanting the best for all men that we want this change.
Happy Birthday, Sir!